Liars tend to be aware of this concern and exploit it-"I'm so sad that you don't trust me," was something my ex-husband often said. Get over it.
An honest person will rarely mind offering proof or confirmation of whatever he or she has told you. And-surprisingly-liars are often quick to invite you to verify what they tell you, knowing that most honest people won't. So if someone invites you to check out their references , past history, or anything else, always take them up on it.
In the aftermath of having been deceived it's very hard not to become a mistrustful person yourself. For months after leaving my first husband, I couldn't bring myself to trust anyone I didn't already know. I also couldn't figure out how to relate to new people while distrusting them.
1. Don't Blame Yourself
Since I'd moved from New York City to Woodstock in the aftermath of our breakup, I was mostly surrounded by new people and so spent most of my time alone. It took me a while to see that viewing the world with suspicion was hurting me more than it helped me. I'm a slightly more cautious person now, but I'm just as honest as I was before, and I still choose to see people as trustworthy, at least until I learn otherwise.
If having been deceived keeps you distant from other people, then you've let the liar change who you are and how you live in the world. You'll have let them steal what should matter to you the most. And you'll have given those lies more power than they deserve. Been Taken Advantage of?
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It Just Means You're Honest. Like this column? Once you've gotten the closure you needed, it may be a good idea to have no contact for a while, according to couples therapist Dr. Gary Brown. Brown previously told Elite Daily. Unfollowing them on social media may help keep a safe amount of distance between the two of you for as long as feels necessary. This is a difficult step that many may struggle to abide by, but it can make the healing process a much smoother said Dr. Cutting someone out of your life is difficult.
Can You Get a Better Divorce Settlement If Your Spouse Cheated?
You just can't erase some things, like the park where you had your first kiss or the way their eyes gleamed in the sunlight. So, no matter how long it takes, treating yourself with patience and kindness is key. The mourning period can vary drastically depending on the person, the length of the relationship, and the details of the infidelity. Ideally, over time, the pain will subside and you will be able to forgive your ex — maybe not completely, but enough for you to look back at it with some semblance of peace over how things played out.
LIE: bad : You were late coming home last night, where were you? Discretion: Honey, what do you think of my new outfit? Spouse who does not like it at all - well, it is interesting! Discretion: Honey, I am having a friend over for lunch. Response from spouse: I will take that opportunity to give you alone time with your friend to go get some PT in when secretly he or she does not care for that particular friend.
I would add that some of the biggest, most heinous lies, are the lies by omission. Guess what? Those are still lies! I am always amazed at how many people think there is some loophole around lying by omission. My partner has been doing this for years apparently, and so did my ex-husband. Both want to think they are innocent of wrongdoing because I never technically asked "the right questions.
Not sure who will read this, or respond, just here to vent. My second soon-to-be ex began her lying about 3 years into our marriage, after the birth of my youngest daughter. Move into a big house, gave her money for the mortgage, which went to my stepson's travel baseball team, instead of mortgage payments that summer. Found that out one day when I go the mail, and I bought the line from her that it was a mistake and she would take care of it.
Time past, late payments on her car loan, which was in my name, and I bought the payment "just didn't post yet. Of course, it kept happening, and when I finally woke up and checked into the "finances", I was accused of stalking and spying on her. Of course money wasn't all of it. She began an online sexting affair with an old ex boyfriend from college.
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I guess she really came to despise me. I can imagine that someone you lie to on a regular basis isn't going to be someone you want to be intimate with. We tried counseling, but that ended in a few months. We had gotten separated, she asked me to move out because I was mean. I'm sure I was, the lying and gaslighting was definitely taking a toll. Of course, she lied in counseling, so I decided to stop paying for that, since it was unproductive.
After two years of separation, I'm still no divorced. Can't afford it.
How to get over an ex who cheated on you
Recently she lied about selling the engagement ring, but I saw it on an auction site, her "friend" tipped me off to the sale. Broke my heart. The whole marriage became one big financial transaction to her, I felt like I got ripped off.
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I love our daughter, but I dread how the future will play out with her mother and the endless lies. I know I wasn't perfect. But I was never dishonest or sneaky. I think the worst feeling now is how she spins the truth and paints me as downright evil to everyone. She left me broken emotionally and financially, I sacrificed everything, and I'm the bad guy.
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Beware guys, make sure the love you "think" you've found is real before you "trust" her with everything. I felt like I was reading my own life when I was reading your story. My soon to be ex has also gaslighted me and lied about expenses on things like gambling and smoking. Whenever I questioned him about the amount of money he was spending he would say I was controlling, ungrateful of how hard he worked and didn't understand the cost of things. He would become so angry that I would stop the conversation and that's how he controlled me.
He was spending hundreds of dollars per week on luxuries while our daughter and I got by on next nothing.
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